Thirteen (for Dad)

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in
—Leonard Cohen

Weird how things show up in your life just when you're in the right place to receive them.

I've been thinking the past few days about this blog post, the 13th in remembrance of my dad since he died (every December 5 and July 4 since 2007). I've been feeling pissed off at him. Pissed that he's not here, seeing my beautiful daughter grow up. Pissed that he's not here, seeing me rediscover myself as a artist. Pissed that he's not here.

And then tonight, as Anna was practicing piano on Dad's keyboard underneath his gold record, I looked at her fingers and remembered how he looked at her fingers after she was born and noted with pride that they were long. Good piano-playing fingers.

And then within the hour, I saw this quote online. I'm not a big Leonard Cohen fan and I'd never heard the song, but I saw the quote and immediately knew it was speaking to me of Dad. I knew it was again time to see the cracks for what they are, the way to let the light back in.